The Stickup: Your Safety or Your Brain

Safe. Adjective: Protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost.

In practice, our society has redefined what this word means because we have also redefined what harm means:

Harm. Noun: Physical injury, especially that which is deliberately inflicted.

We are at a point where we are afraid to have hard conversations. We don’t have the conversations because we want to be safe – not exposed to risk. The risk of being uncomfortable, the risk of being shamed, the risk of experiencing true feelings and/or empathy.

We all will pay the ultimate price for it.

Because we are afraid to have these conversations, we ban curriculums, books, and people. And we do this without research and data, without challenging discussions about desired and unintended outcomes. I say “we” because we put politicians in office without thinking twice about their agenda. Those politicians feel they have a blank check from their constituents – not all of them, just the simple majority.

So they make laws to keep us safe. But that is not enough for your pathos, so they involve your children.

“We do this to keep our children safe.”

Ask anyone who has lived in a big city. Your safety is a myth. Just because you feel good about yourself does not mean some type of conflict will not touch you. You can choose to live in your bubble, but it is only a matter of time before someone comes with a needle. “Safety” makes people weak because it causes people to stop asking questions. It causes people to stop thinking critically about positive and negative consequences. “Now that I have provided you safety, you may now relax. No need to arm yourself.”

So, we graciously take safety without considering the cost.

What is the cost of banning a book?

What is the cost of limiting curriculum?

What is the cost of keeping a group of individuals from equal access?

The cost is more than you think.

If you ban one book, what will stop you from banning another?

If you limit one curriculum, what will stop you from limiting another?

If you limit one group of people, what will stop you from limiting another?

Where is the line? What is the litmus test? What are the criteria? You will find that there are none.
The craziest thing is that we have literature to tell us the cost. Guess what? Many books are on the banned, censored, or challenged list. Let that soak in. See for yourself:

1984 – Control of society and information, Independence and Identity, Psychological Manipulation, and Loyalty.

The Handmaid’s Tale – Power and Hypocrisy, Survival, Rebellion, Womanhood, and Commodification.

Lord of the Flies – Man vs. Nature, The Nature of Evil, Dehumanization of Relationships, and Individualism vs. Community.

Flowers for Algernon – Treatment of the Mentally Disabled, Ignorance and Bliss, and Intellect vs. Emotion.

Grapes of Wrath – Common Experience, Corporate Greed, Industrialization, Organized Labor, and Hope.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian – Native American perspective on life on and off the Reservation.

The Color Purple – Spirituality, Race, Racism, Gender Roles, Self-Discovery.

The Lottery – Vulnerability of the individual, The importance of questioning tradition, and The Relationship Between Civilization and Violence.

I could go on and on…

Again, literature in our public libraries tells us what will happen if society accepts the control of information. Literature and curriculum that many politicians refuse to read or study but want to govern based on hearsay – based on fear. Can you not see how it is suspicious that the same information that contains the themes mentioned earlier are the ones that are being taken away from the public? Answer: It is not suspicious; it is intentional.

The answer is not to ban information. The answer is to teach responsible analysis of information. The answer is to teach critical thinking. The answer is to have discussions to discover and not to be “correct.”

Our schools are doing that. Stop believing what the news media tells you and spend some time in a public school getting to know the educators. Build your community by getting to know your neighbors and their children. Have open discourse with people who think differently than you do.

We no longer have to read about dystopian futures. We are headed towards it – and that is the scariest part.

Sunday: In the Lab…

So you want to be one of the best, huh?

You should be careful. You will have to sacrifice something. Some sacrifice time, some sacrifice family, some sacrifice friends, and some sacrifice themselves. Always know your price and how much you are willing to sacrifice.

Your path to being the best will be different from others. You will be mocked by some and ridiculed by others. You will be ostracized and misunderstood. People will not understand your path, even those with the same objective. The grass will always be greener on the other side. Everyone else will be doing something more fun or attractive, and you will not – you will be perfecting your craft.

One important thing you must know about this path: just because you sacrifice does not mean you are guaranteed anything. Some people sacrifice to be the best, but they never get there. Some people do everything they can — everything that they feel is right, and they still fall short; they still don’t reach that goal. Some sacrifice less and receive it all. I know it is a harsh realization, but there is “fair” and there is “equal,” and you cannot have it both ways — always choose fair.

Just know that you can pick a different path with less sacrifice at any time, but it may or may not affect your outcome.

How much sacrifice is too much? Your spirit may be too much of a price to pay. You have gone too far when you do not recognize yourself or don’t know who you are. Always keep account of how much you have given and if it is worth the price.

“Not my Child!” Well, It Probably Is

Trigger Warning: Racism

Happy #blackhistorymonth to all! But… Protesters are standing outside of St. Hubert’s High School & Franklin Towne in Northeast #philadelphia after a video circulating online shows a teen spray painting another student’s face black and making racist remarks. Follow for more! pic.twitter.com/DoIMpIUkwW

— weseeyoukaren (@weseeyoukaren) February 8, 2023

This is not going to be easy for you to watch.
But it is necessary for you to watch.

We have to do better as parents. This video was shot by kids. Kids who have now been exposed and whose futures are ruined. This is not kids being kids; this is reality.

Some will say, Not my children.

Newsflash: it very well might/could be.

What if this were your child? Have the conversation.
This is not okay!

I am talking to my friends all over the world, If you are seeing this, this message is for you. If this was your child, there is no coming back from this; there is no amount of damage control that will restore your child’s livelihood.

Have the conversation!

FYI, I found the video on the page and am only concerned with the showing of the video. I do not follow or have any affiliation with the page nor condone or care about the comments.

When we know better, we do better.

When I set out to talk about the coverage of the NDHSAA state basketball tournament, it was to shed light on the inequality of our female athletes. It was to show that our girls deserve equal footing on whatever venture that they choose to pursue. It was to honor The Huskies, The Patriots, The Eagles, The Demons, The Rough Riders, The Mustangs, The Majettes, and The Sabers.

The reality is that these athletes are the leaders of their community. These athletes have little girls who will one day pick up a basketball because of them, which is a beautiful thing that helps grow the sport. Why would anyone want to stand in the way of that?

But I feel as though the focus has shifted a little, and I don’t want to lose focus of the seminal point here.

Whatever happens for the boys’ tournament, happens to the girls’ tournament. Equality.

– If the boys are televised, then girls should be as well.

– If the boys have a chance at the main court one year, then the girls should have a chance at the main court the following year.

– It is about equality, pure and simple.

I’ve had so many awesome conversations this past weekend. I’ve spoken to Dom Izzo, I’ve spoken to the NDHSAA Board of Directors, I’ve spoken to countless members of the basketball community and media. The crazy thing there are things we can all agree on:

– When the media rights contract was signed 4-5 years ago, streaming was not a consideration, it was a relatively new technology.

– The contract is for coverage of the girls’ and boys’ semifinal and final rounds of the tournament (both to be covered equally). WDAY has exclusive rights to the entire tournament, so any additional coverage by WDAY goes above and beyond the contract.

I’m order for WDAY to pay for the above and beyond service, someone has to pay for it.

– Since the new technologies are tried and tested, it is imperative that the contract is renegotiated to ensure equal coverage. I believe that happens next year.

So there’s a start, we can agree on those things, but, realistically, it is simply not good enough. We need change.

There is enough fault to go around. We can play the blame game all we want, but here are the facts:

– Shame on the parents (myself included) for accepting the status quo and not challenging companies and entities who play into these inequalities; this has been going on for a while and we know better!

– Shame on advertisers for throwing money at entities and organizations and not educating themselves on the workings of equality in production. They know better.

– Shame on the media for not asking the hard questions and uncovering the truth about what was happening. You know better.

– Shame on the NDHSAA for not protecting our female athletes, which is one of the sole purposes of your organization. You know better.

This is on all of us.

Let me be clear:

This is not about the streaming glitches,

This is not about viewership,

This is not about money,

This is not about me,

This is not about basketball

This is not about my beloved Huskies.

This is about access,

This is about equal protection.

This is about representation.

This is about equality.

We can fix this!

Equal.

Airtime.

For.

Women.

Period.

Equal Airtime For Women

Sexist and Discriminatory.
That is the only way to describe what is going on regarding forum communications and the North Dakota High School Activities Association’s State Basketball tournament.
Let me provide context as I understand it:
The boys’ quarterfinals are televised for free, and the girls’ quarterfinals will be streamed for a price. Do you mean to tell me that in 2022, we are still under the guise that male sports sell tickets and women sports do not? Do we still have entities looking to optimize the mighty dollar instead of furthering the sport for both males and females? We still believe that males deserve visibility and females don’t?
That is a crying shame.
It is bad enough that you barely report on local prep sports anymore, but it is even worse to realize that you have formulated your coverage based upon gender.
It is shameful,
It is disgusting,
And it needs to change. Now!
I am calling on every female, every parent of daughters, every true sports fan, and every human, and advertising companies. being to demand that this be changed immediately, and a statement of apology issued to all North Dakota female athletes.
Shame on the Forum Communications company for perpetuating female athletes’ stereotypes and shame on the NDHSAA for not demanding better for our female athletes. Thirty-two teams qualified for the state basketball tournament; twenty-eight of the thirty-two will appear on Television and get the recognition they deserve for making it. Let’s flip the calendar to 2022.

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I, too, teach America.

I am the melanated educator.
They send me to teach in schools
With slaveholder’s names,
But I work,
Shape futures,
And strengthen communities.

Tomorrow,
I’ll be leading
When evaluations come.
Nobody’ll dare
Say to me,
“You can’t teach that,”
Then.

Besides,
They’ll see how rich my history is
And be ashamed—

I, too, am History.

-Dr. David Woods

Black Like Me.

I had to have a conversation with one of my children about blackness. If you don’t know, black parents need to have many discussions about blackness because, as black children grow older, they start to realize that they are not quite like the others.
They take more pictures,
navigate differently than their peers,
and often, their skin color becomes more evident.
Just then, something is said about anon-black person that makes it clear that there is a difference between black and non-black. It is so commonly stated that people don’t realize what it actually means. However, it has become a common saying for both blacks and non-blacks alike. It is something that even I had said as a youth. The quote:
“…that kid thinks he is black.”
To understand the issue with this statement, we have to question what people think it means to be black. When someone says it:
Are they saying that the kid is articulate or inarticulate?
Are they saying that the kid is refined or “ghetto”?
Are they saying that the kid has swag or is a nerd?
Are they saying the kid is a model citizen or a low-level gangster?
Anytime I have heard this saying, it is being used with a negative connotation, which, for some odd reason, carries a coolness factor to it. So when I am explaining the intricacies of this statement with my child, I start by also explaining a different saying that I received from a friend.
Being black is not monolithic.
We have to be careful about how our children are speaking about blackness — all of us. We need children to know that words are powerful, and the origins of some of the words they use may continue a stereotype that is meant to oppress. When someone says, “That white kid thinks that he is black,” they are saying that the Caucasian kid is exhibiting some characteristics that may go against societal norms. They are not saying that the Caucasian kid is speaking articulately or dressed appropriately. For the user, blackness is viewed as inarticulation, under-education, aggressiveness, and loudness — which is another reason why representation is so important.
Look, I get it. Kids will be kids; they will say and do things based on their environment — and that is not saying that everything that comes out of kids’ mouths comes directly and only from the home. But it is saying that their underdeveloped brains interpret whatever they are exposed to, so all forms of media play a crucial part in their overall development.

I am not any of those stereotypes that people may see in movies or on social media. So it is shocking to people they really get to know me
(correction: I can fulfill some of those stereotypes when pushed, but I am a work in progress —- I enjoy being multi-faceted).
It is up to the collective, both black and non-black, to correct this. It is up to us to make sure that black culture is seen in a positive light.
I love being black. It comes with a style and a swagger that people want. Being black is cool.
Don’t deny it.
I bask in years the trials and tribulations of my ancestors. But I also bask in the successes as well.
I love our style, I love our music, I love our art, I love our versatility, and I love our ableness to adapt.
But most of all, I love our swag.
And you know what? Other people love it as well. So if other ethnicities want in, then so be it. But let’s do it in a way that does not box black culture into negative stereotypes. Let’s celebrate it instead.

And Therein Lies the Rub…

This blog post is in response to an opinion piece in the Fargo Forum: https://www.inforum.com/opinion/7139823-Nelson-They-myth-of-white-privilege?fbclid=IwAR1Iuv2jafAfvo40bUMZHgpqXEqjGpbZi6o4Z_M2v46j_r2xILmIehtdYXU

The ultimate mark of power may be its invisibility; the ultimate challenge, the exposition of its roots.

— Trouvillot

Have you ever been told that you are a credit to your race?

Have you ever been told that you are not like “them?”

Have you ever had to attain the highest degree of your profession to become an example of excellence in a homogeneous environment?

The words are meant as terms as endearment as compared to the norms. The action is intended as a way to assimilate to the norm.

The norm is essential; both what it is and what it means for each ethnic demographic both now and throughout history.

Minority groups did not set the norms until recently—it was either against the law or left them subject to bodily harm. What they did was find a way to navigate. The fortunate ones did this successfully, but most couldn’t or wouldn’t (and why should they have to)?

What was asked of them was to assimilate or die, which is still the case today.

If you’re are not a minority, you may never have to make that choice. And based on the part of the country from which you are raised, either option means the diminishing of one’s self to create anew.

So, if you haven’t had to make that choice, or you haven’t had those things said to you, then you cannot begin to understand what privilege is. White privilege does mean that you haven’t had issues in your life. It doesn’t diminish how hard you’ve worked for what you have. It does not mean that you actively participate in racism or bigotry. It does mean that when the norms were established, ethnic minorities did not have a seat at the table. I will give you a personal example:

I am probably the first generation in my family (on either side) that will have the opportunity to leave investments for my kids when I die. My wife is white, and I am black. The most interesting aspect of our relationship is how different our ancestor’s paths were.

When her ancestors traveled to America, mine were sharecroppers in Alabama — with no hope of acquiring land.

When her ancestors were settling in North Dakota, making them landowners — an investment that would pay dividends for centuries to come, mine were living life under Jim Crow.

While her ancestors were tilling the land with their blood, sweat, and tears, mine was part of the great migration, using their blood, sweat, and tears to escape poor economic conditions and persecution, just as her ancestors did 50 years previous.

The only way that my father was able to open doors for his family was to join the military in the ’60s, which gave us a fantastic future, but also brought its own set of racial challenges for him.

And there is me. I am a doctor, a politician, an educator, a proud father, and a devoted husband. On the surface, it is easy to say, “Look at you, you have pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and made something of yourself. But that would be missing the point entirely.

Every generation in my family had to start again. Learning norms, navigating to survive, facing oppression and marginalization, and overcoming to strive for uncertain success — things that some minorities have to do still today. For every one of me, there are thirty others that could not defy the odds.

With all of that said, I need to point out that my story and your story are only relative to ourselves and not the bigger picture, and therein lies the rub. You cannot base societal issues solely on individual stories. Both mine and your story are important because it provides some context. But your story does not prove that white privilege does not exist any more than mine proves that it does. We must start to criticize the status quo. Only then can we begin to improve our communities. If we continue to believe that each person is born with the same chance at success regardless of race or social-economic status, we are kidding ourselves.

Contact Lenses

As a society, we have gone too far proclaiming who is right and who is wrong. Instead, we should be considering the lens individuals use to interpret the world. Each one of us uses our lends to navigate life. Most likely, the lens used is shaped by the experiences in each of our lives: the successes, the failures, and the traumas. When we choose to place our values on those outlooks to determine what is right and what is wrong, we have conflict.

For example, I know people who think that Ronald Regan was a fabulous President. They can point to all of the wonderful things he did- all of the policies that he created (I mean, he did help bring down the Berlin Wall). But I know others that see his presidency from a different lens. They see policies that deteriorated the African American community, they see his participation in COINTELPRO which places him in a different light. Does that mean that either side is wrong? That may depend on your subjective definition of right…

The important thing about a lens is that is brings perspective – it is not just about ethnicity. A lens is shaped by an assortment of experiences: sexual preference, social economic status, trauma, gender, etc. This is why it is so important that we as a society understand that representation matters. Without it, we are creating an environment that promotes group-think.

Nobody ever wins with group-think. Think about how easy it is to govern when everybody has the same line of thinking.

We’ve started to place right and wrong based solely on people’s lenses.

We’ve stopped trying to look at events through the eyes of others.

We’ve stopped walking in other peoples shoes.

When a person has the job of managing and/or dealing with groups of people, the perspective of self as well as others becomes ever-so more important. When we educate, when we govern, when we serve, we are tasked with taking on the responsibility to look at situations from different lenses Although considering different perspectives is not an easy task (no matter how much education and training you have), it is imperative to the success of any entity.

History has shown us that we are a weaker society when we strive to be homogeneous. It leads to the closing of ideas, the stunting of progress, and the eventual collapse of civilization. Sure, it looks nice on its face, but when you dig a little deeper, you uncover a people who are stuck in time with ideas that won’t stand the test of time.

And that is sad.

2021: The Year of F*#% It.

If 2020 has taught me anything. It is to not take things for granted (hold on to your hats, this will be a bitch session). After the year that we have all had, we needed nothing more than to get on a plane and head to a destinition that we have dreamed of visiting — I am dead serious; I was about to snap!

The pandemic has brought with it social distancing; social distancing meant that we couldn not travel. We were unable to buy a plane ticket and catch the next flight out of the state with the same carelessness that we did before.

Maybe I miss the carelessness. I was a jet setter in my youth, dammit!

Before the pandemic, I would get an itch to travel, purchase a ticket, and take off — whether it was just my wife and I, or with our kids in tow — without even batting an eye.

Damn, I missed the carelessness. 

So now that group travel is an option, what have I done to fulfill my travel itch? Absolutely nothing. 

Jack. Shit.

Actually, I have been watching Travel Channel… and looking at travel pages at Barnes and Noble… and pinning places that I need to visit when able on Pinterest. But I have not make been able to make that jump; to buy that ticket; to spend that money.

That is, until now.

Motivation

Examining positive things in your life along with practicing gratefulness is extremely necessary right now. I often look at all that I have and consider myself extremely fortunate to be where I am in my life. But in the end, we have to be realistic. It is becoming harder and harder to live a quality life under our current constraints. So it is also essential to recognize when you are swamped, or stressed, or keeping barely above water. And I am telling you that, like many of you, I am all of those things. So if 2020 showed that life is too short. 2021 will be the year that I say, “Fuck it!”

Yup, I said it. I said it because I have not said it enough. I have been worried about a lot of other things other than myself and my happiness. I have been making excuses as to why I have to hold back. But not anymore. I deserve to have those experiences that I have been working for.

My family has not seen the ocean. I mean, seriously, what the hell am I waiting for? Retirement? Savings? College for the kids? I literally have no idea. 

My wife and I were doing everything the right way financially when the unthinkable happened. A damn pandemic. Who in the hell prepares for a global pandemic. Some people were more stocked up and ready for a zombie apocalypse than they were for a global pandemic. So now that movement is an option, what am I going to do? I sure as hell am not going to let opportunity pass again, that’s for damn sure!

I am taking some of that saved up money and spending it on experiences for my family and me. I will travel, travel, travel with my wife, travel with kids, and travel with friends. I will spend money on things that I have wanted to have, see, and/or do. This is going to be a total reassessment of my priorities.

Fuck it.

Disclaimer

I am not going to break the bank. If I do make it to retirement age, I will need something to live on. But again, we have learned in the past year that nothing is guaranteed.