UffdaBlack – Adventures in Parenting
A diary of a black man raising kids in a place he never thought he would call home…
Me: (suddenly) Get in the van!
Son: Why?
Me: Team Rocket is invading a Pokestop and we have to stop them.
Son: What? Really?
Me: Do you want to be home alone?! Van! Now!
We stopped them together.
*If you are not playing Pokémon go with your child, you’re missing out!
Oldest daughter, grossed out:
“Put a shirt on!”
(Bouncing my pecs) “Why should I? I look damn good for my age!”
“Okay, that is just weird”
“Pretty sure your friends’ moms don’t think so…”
“What!”
“That’s right! I am funny, good looking, and I rock the muscles; sorry, but I got it all. (Double bicep) I’m a hot dad…”
*shocked and mortified*
“Mom!”
Anything he can do, she can do…
👧🏽🧒🏾 🏀 👦🏽👶🏽 ⛹🏽♀️⛹🏽♀️⛹🏽♂️⛹🏽♂️
Representation matters.
For the first year or so of My Daughter’s life, we had her convinced that rice cakes were cookies. Thanks to Our Daycare Provider and her grandmother (both of whom can bake way too well), we had no such luck with #2. But Oedipus –now he is convinced.
Look at him, he thinks he is getting away with murder.
One of my fondest memories is when my dad brought home a remote control ‘57 Chevy (not one of those cheep ones with the cord attached that only turned left. No). That car could fit a GI Joe action figure inside.
Man was that thing fast!
It was only natural that my sons should have one, right?
Presenting my..er..my son’s first RC.
Tear. This is why I had sons.
Buying an additional controller just so you can stay up late with your first born playing Sega Genesis trying to pass Streets of Rage.
Bonus: Finding your oldest up early to trying to beat said game on single-player mode. She’d been playing for 2 hours…
Corrupted.
The first of many attempts by him to establish the Alpha Male, “Man of the House”.
(Yes, the occasion called for a pregame ritual of the ripping off of our shirts).
1. There are a shit ton of people that like Monster Trucks.
2. If you travel about a mile away from the venue, you can buy that $30 Hot Wheels Monster Truck for $10 (still overpriced).
3. Sitting in the nosebleed section is awesome, unless you have a kid who has to pee; Often.
4. Sitting in the nosebleed section is awesome if you love the smell of exhaust.
5. The employees selling food and souvenirs know what the hell they are doing. They walk especially slow and make eye contact with your kid. Assholes.
6. Don’t offer a cheaper alternative to concessions, such as a Happy Meal, unless you are ready to go. Now. Ten minutes into the show.
7. Noise. Canceling. Headsets (Thanks, Cindy).
8. There is an an actual technique to 2 wheel, donut, and freestyle.
8a. There is a such thing as 2 wheel, donut, and freestyle competition.
9. I am probably the only person in the building that pays someone else to change his oil and/or tires. Yes, I am a little jealous.
10. Monster trucks are as cool as they were when I was 5. Totally worth it.
Tips for many aspects of living
Dating, Poetry, and More
Commentary about those things I find interesting.
UffdaBlack - Adventures in Parenting 