Father of the Year Moment #339 – Papá es un Asno:

How do I keep my kids’ greedy-ass palms off of my food?

M&M’s

Jalapeño M&M’s

Father of the Year Moment #104 – Plumbers Crack:

Hearing a juicy burp from Reese, I quickly survey the scene looking for any remnants. Thirty seconds later, I feel wetness going down the small of my back. “I couldn’t be sweating, could I?

Nope.