Father of the Year Moment #339 – Papá es un Asno:

How do I keep my kids’ greedy-ass palms off of my food?

M&M’s

Jalapeño M&M’s

Father of the Year Moment #493 – Therapy Awaits

‪Oldest daughter, grossed out:‬

‪“Put a shirt on!”‬

‪(Bouncing my pecs) “Why should I? I look damn good for my age!”‬

‪“Okay, that is just weird”‬

‪“Pretty sure your friends’ moms don’t think so…”‬

‪“What!”‬

‪“That’s right! I am funny, good looking, and I rock the muscles; sorry, but I got it all. (Double bicep) I’m a hot dad…”

*shocked and mortified*

‪“Mom!”‬

Evolution of Marriage (I must have missed the memo):

2004-2005: “I would love nothing more than to be married to you!”

2006-2013: “I would love nothing more than for you to go to the gym.”

2004-2005: I love the smell of your cologne.”

2006-2013: “YOU STINK!”

2004-2005: “What do you want to talk about.”

2006-2013: “Isn’t there something heavy you could be lifting? I have shows to watch!”

Guys, don’t act like I am the only one.

Father of the Year Moment #104 – Plumbers Crack:

Hearing a juicy burp from Reese, I quickly survey the scene looking for any remnants. Thirty seconds later, I feel wetness going down the small of my back. “I couldn’t be sweating, could I?

Nope.

Father of the Year Moment # 667 – Nants ingonyama bagithi baba!:

There will be no more “Lion Kinging” This beast!

I now have to shower.

He spit up on me…

On my face.

He thinks that shit is funny.

I am traumatized.

Mmmm… or Hmmm…

🍣 Someone is not too sure about sushi… 🍣

Appetite Suppressant

After 4 kids, it is amazing that I even eat mustard anymore.

Yup, I went there.