father – UffdaBlack – Adventures in Parenting

So you want to be one of the best, huh?

You should be careful. You will have to sacrifice something. Some sacrifice time, some sacrifice family, some sacrifice friends, and some sacrifice themselves. Always know your price and how much you are willing to sacrifice.

Your path to being the best will be different from others. You will be mocked by some and ridiculed by others. You will be ostracized and misunderstood. People will not understand your path, even those with the same objective. The grass will always be greener on the other side. Everyone else will be doing something more fun or attractive, and you will not – you will be perfecting your craft.

One important thing you must know about this path: just because you sacrifice does not mean you are guaranteed anything. Some people sacrifice to be the best, but they never get there. Some people do everything they can — everything that they feel is right, and they still fall short; they still don’t reach that goal. Some sacrifice less and receive it all. I know it is a harsh realization, but there is “fair” and there is “equal,” and you cannot have it both ways — always choose fair.

Just know that you can pick a different path with less sacrifice at any time, but it may or may not affect your outcome.

How much sacrifice is too much? Your spirit may be too much of a price to pay. You have gone too far when you do not recognize yourself or don’t know who you are. Always keep account of how much you have given and if it is worth the price.

“Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” – J.K. Rowling

A couple of weeks ago, you tried out for an AAU elite travel team. Now, you already how much I absolutely detest AAU teams – although, I’ll admit, it has allowed me to see some awesome locations, meet wonderful people, and play against some of the most talented basketball players to ever walk on a court. The problem is, I have also witnessed the dark side of elite basketball — but, I won’t get into that now; that is for another time.

Honestly, Honey, as we wait for this letter to come in the mail, I keep hoping we receive bad news.

I honestly hope you don’t make the team.

Bear with me…

Listen, I may be a little biased, but whenever you walk into the gym, you are the best player there. You have the size, you have the speed, you can shoot, you can use your left hand, and you have the drive. But, more than anything, you have fun, you are social, you are humble, and you are smart; and that is what I love (and will continue to love) most about your game. I am proud of you every time you step out on the court because I know your competitiveness will compel you to make the most of your abilities as well as make your teammates better. Yes, I will admit, as your coach, when your team falls short — or when you have a terrible game, I am upset. I am upset until I look over at you, joking and laughing with your teammates as if you guys don’t have a care in the world. Basketball is just a game to you; you know you are good at it, but you are there to have fun and socialize.

That being said…

If you are selected for an elite AAU team, there is a whole new dynamic to consider…

Winning.

Man, o’ man. Little girl, you will be expected to win. Not only will you be expected to show up to a tournament and produce, but, when you do not produce, you will sit the bench until you are able to produce (which could be a while dependent on if your replacement has a hot hand). You will need to practice your craft on your own time — no excuses! It does not matter if you are the best player on any given day; you need to be the best player on that specific day. The expectation is for you to show up to a tournament, hours away from your home, and claw and scratch your way to a championship. Period.

Look, I am not here to bash AAU or crush your dream, but, my job as your father is to protect you. That job requires me to deem what is, and is not, appropriate for you given your age and maturity level, whether that be cell phones, music, movies, boys, and yes, basketball. And frankly, right now, I don’t think you are ready.

Is there a side of me that wants you to make it? Yes! But I have come to realize that it is the part of me that is selfish, self-serving, and competitive. Of course I want to show everybody that I produce the best of the best. But that is not right.

So, here’s to you staying young, having fun, and not making the team.

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For the record:

Weeks later, I found out that you, in fact, did not make it…

“Unfortunately, She was not selected for our 6th grade team. We had so many girls at that level trying out this year and looked at each one very carefully before making our decision.

We highly encourage your daughter to try out again next October.

Thank you.”

Okay. Now, let’s make them regret that decision…