Father of the year moment #322: Run, Dick, Run –

This is my daughter.
This is David.
My daughter is learning how to read.
She is reading David a story.
Read, Daughter, read.
My daughter says “da… da… dog.”
David is in pain.
David is thinking about comps.
Pay attention, David, pay attention.
Heather is My Daughter’s mother.
David cannot find Heather.
David hears a car start and the tires squeal.
Come back, Heather, come back.

God Bless the Teacher

– Dad.

– Yes.

– We are going to get the talk in school today.

(shit)

– Uh, okay.

– I think they are going to show a video from Youtube.

(shit)

– They are not going to show you a video from Youtube.

– Yes they are! Who does that?! Youtube! Really!

– They are not going to show you a video from Youtube. I am sure they have a lot of educational videos. (flashback to 5th grade, Mrs. Lower’s class, Mt. View Elementary).

– Well, that is what the 6th graders told us.

(Stupid 6th graders)

– Silence.

– Well the boys have to say penis 5 times without laughing.

(you’re shittin’ me, right)

– No, honey, they do not. (I mean seriously! I can’t do that at 37)!

– Yes they do!

– Let me guess, the 6th graders told you.

– Yup!

– Welp, look at that! The Baby is crying.

And I ran, I ran so far away.

#godblessthemteachers